Hello, reader(s)! If
you’ve been here before, then you’ll notice some changes. For example…I updated. But, in more superficial, but no less
exciting, news, I changed the background and my profile picture, which should
indicate the following things:
-The party really doesn’t start until I walk in.
-I finally learned how to work the template on blogspot.
-I am a sophisticated intellectual now. Please note the glasses and scarf.
-I learned how to tie a scarf.
That’s right, newness is everywhere. In fact, a mere month ago, I moved to
Pittsburgh. Now, I’m from a small, rural
town. Like, there’s literally a place you drive past where you have to exercise
caution to avoid the grazing goats. We
don’t have a sign up yet; we’re waiting for the appropriate graphics to become
available. The point is, Pittsburgh has
been a bit of an adjustment. But, as I
assure my potential employers in every job interview, I’m a quick learner.
A few weeks ago, I had decided my next entry would cover
everything I have learned so far in the city.
Lesson One: Fairly quickly I discovered the secret to crossing the
street is not actually to wait for the “walk” sign, but to find people in
business suits with briefcases and jet across with them. They don’t wait for cars, but cars wait for
them because they have briefcases. They
look important. They look like they can
afford good lawyers. In comparison to
them, you probably look like you would not be able to afford the change to call
an ambulance to scrape you off a bumper, so just follow the gainfully employed
to the sidewalk. And the other thing I learned so far is…
I lied in all of those job interviews.
There are still a lot of mysteries staring judgmentally at
me, waiting to be solved. I tried to
wait to write this until I learned how to do more than cross the street, but,
let’s face it, it’s 2012 and Glee was
renewed for a fourth season: all signs point to an imminent apocalypse. I might as well update. So, here are some things I really want to
know, but haven’t figured out about the city yet.
Where is everyone
driving to that’s making them so angry?
Seriously, there are some incensed drivers here. Like, the light will be red, and people are
honking their horns for you to get moving.
Sir, the laws of the road demand that I stay stagnant. And, really, it doesn’t even seem to matter
if traffic is running smoothly, people just sporadically honk their horns or
yell profanities out their window, as though negative energy is the new natural
fuel. So I want to know where these
angry people are going, that way I can go somewhere else.
Why would people think
I’d give them money to buy tickets to a Steelers’ game?
I passed about five people today with “Need Steelers’
Tickets” signs and empty cups for money, and…OK, I appreciate their honesty, I
guess. I mean, if they would be looking
desolate and have a “Need Money for Food” sign, I’d toss some change in there,
so props to them for not going for the obvious deception. But, really…do people, like, give money to
fund someone’s football addiction? I’m
not even offended, just baffled.
If I live here long
enough, will I develop a sort of Spidey Sense?
My roommate and I walked to the neighborhood next to ours
the other day to get some pizza, and we passed two people yelling racial slurs
at each other from opposite ends of the street (one man apparently thought that
his shirtlessness would add some weight to his argument, so he peeled off his
t-shirt), and two arrests. Now, had my
roommate given the slightest hint that he was uncomfortable and we should turn
back, I would have jumped all over that opportunity like Lindsay Lohan should
jump on any guest-staring opportunities offered to her, but I did not want to
be the person to suggest we go back. I
know, pride will be such a nice companion for me in the police station
identifying Mugger #2. But I don’t even
get it, because that neighborhood is a hop, skip, and a jump away from ours, so
how do you even know where a safe piece of pizza can be had? And will I ever be able to tell just by, like,
tilting my head in the wind and sniffing out danger? Because I’d like the opportunity to pull a
street-wise, “It’s quiet. Too
quiet. Let’s go to that well-lit
Primanti’s instead.”
Do people expect me to
say “Stillers” instead of “Steelers”?
Because I won’t.
Am I convincingly
faking a sense of direction?
Pittsburgh geography escapes me, yet I still insist on
asking people where they live like I’ll actually have any conception of what
they’re telling me. But I do the fake
smile of enlightenment, and, “Oh. I see” so they don’t
feel the need to offer more directions I won’t understand. Though, I suspect we both know what’s going
on.
Now, I’m not despairing or anything. I know if there are 1,000 things I have yet
to learn, and I learn a new thing every three days, math will happen and one
day I’ll know more than I do now. For
now, though, I am content to simply glance out of my window at all of the cars
on the street below and be thankful I’m not driving.
Happy reading.
(Also, my sister, who has been a good sport about having several cameos in my blog, started her own blog for a social work class. Check it out--it's funny and informative.)
